A good friend of mine paid my husband and I a very big compliment recently, after Benjamin and I visited her at her home. She said we must be doing something right because our son is a delight to be around. She had recently had another one of her friends over with her baby, slightly older than Benjamin, and the comparison of her experience with this other baby as opposed to Ben was like night and day. This other baby was allowed (by his mother) to run around and even to run in other rooms (unsupervised) where potential dangers lurked. To the other mother's credit, she DID also have a newborn to take care of. When I protested this compliment, my friend said she knew that we were with our baby 24/7 and probably didn't feel like we were doing much right, but she could see it.
Whew! If only she knew! Now, of course I have shared with her some of our struggles raising a high needs baby. And I am sure everyone thinks their baby is especially high needs and demanding.
A typical conversation between me and Benjamin during the weekday while at home might look like this:
B: (fuss. fuss) Waahhhh!
Me: Benjamin, Mommy has to do the dishes. I can't hold you or play with you every minute of the day. We can't live in a pig stye! Here, play with this spatula (or anything else that's novel to him).
When we first moved to our house, I had the audacious task of unpacking, filling and decorating a 2,000 sqare foot house during the day while my husband was at work, practically by myself (that is until I cried out and a couple sweet sisters came to help me) with a 5 month old nursing baby who wanted to be held 24 hours a day. Because we believe in being responsive to our baby's needs and because his temperament is such that letting him cry it out 1) wouldn't work with him- he would just up the anti and cry for several hours on end if we let him and... 2) We believe it would be damaging to the basic trust that is built between babies and their mommies and daddies and would adversely affect the person he would become. I disagree with some of the most respected ministers of Christendom when it comes to their basic views of children and their tenants of child-rearing. Some well respected so-called experts have called children the most horrific names. I believe the opposite- that children are a blessing of the Lord. Even mine. It is the parent's job to take advantage of teaching opportunities to guide them in the way they should go...not control them through fear and lord our authority over them in an unsympathetic way.
In those first few weeks of getting settled, our son was also teething, no less. It seemed as though every waking moment he spent fussing or crying. I was desperate (and in desperate need of sleep!) In addition to all this, I had hurt my lower back and could barely lift my child. I called his pediatrician at the time. He could only offer solutions I had already tried and discarded.
I thought, Lord, is this my cross to carry? Is this why you had me working for almost a decade with special needs children?....to prepare me for THIS? I cried most days along with my child and although I did not suffer post partum depression, I was tempted to sink into a pit. Just the mere question by loved ones if we were going to have any more children would send me over the edge in a fit of rage.
MORE?!!! How could we possibly have MORE?! Why would we WANT to? Because we're gluttons for punishment?! I would give my right arm for 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep and you want me to sentence myself to at least 6 more months of sleep deprivation and umpteen more years of frustrations?
Really, some days I was beside myself (The trials are a little different now, but almost just as heated.)
I read online that Dr. Sears had written a book especially for parents like me. It's called the Fussy Baby Book. Being a fan of Dr. Sears' sensibilities in child rearing, I sent away for it almost immediately. When I got the package on the porch, I opened it excitedly and as soon as the baby was taking a rare nap, I savored the forward and the introduction on my rocking chair. When I opened the copywright page, a wave of sentiment passed as warmth over my chest and settled as a lump in my throat. Tears burst forth from their hiding places as I cried aloud....Dr. Sears had SIGNED my book.
The Lord must have put it on his heart to sign this book. I have before and since then ordered books from him and they were not signed. The Fussy Baby Book was signed by the author. It was as if the omniscient God of the universe who knows all my thoughts anyways, and whom the Psalms say knows when I sit and when I rise, has been watching my struggles in parenthood and He empathizes with me. It is this understanding deep in my heart that opened the floodgate of those tears.
And although ever single day holds its own trials and tribulations, and I may feels as though I might not survive this thing called parenthood or even be successful at it (for a needy baby does not suddenly lose his needs, they merely change as he changes), it is encouraging to know that someone somewhere can appreciate our efforts.
No comments:
Post a Comment