Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Awaiting the Blessed Arrival

We are scheduled to have our C-section on Tues. I sit here, uncomfortably swollen and fat, waiting for the birth of our baby. It's only 6 more days and with God's grace I think I can handle that.

A friend of mine laughed when I threw a Hanukkah party a few days ago. I was sore and tired, but it was worth it. My last hurrah with only 1 child. I cannot wait for my son to meet his new sibling. He walks around the house carrying a baby blanket with a "baby" in it and offers for me to hold it. Today, he was talking to the imaginary baby in the already-installed car seat. I'd say he's ready.

I will go into all the detail of our decision to have this baby in a later post. It is quite the interesting story no matter what your religious beliefs or worldview is!

Doc says heartbeat is good and my blood pressure is normal. I am already planning the stages I will go through to get off the 50 plus pounds I have gained with this pregnancy (I only gained 20 with my son). The doctor doesn't know, nor does he care that at the time of conception, I was in great shape, working out twice-three times a week, and taught a dance class until the middle of my second trimester.

Other than swollen ankles, hands, back and hip pain at night like you could never imagine (making it almost impossible to get out of bed for say, the many nighttime trips to the restroom), I am extremely blissful and anxious to hold the little one in my arms. A gift from God. So I try to focus on that. I keep telling myself, Don't be a weany...women have been doing this for centuries and the pioneer women had it the worst with all that was expected of them (hello...farming and washing clothes the snail way all day) and nery an indoor restroom for them to relieve themselves before the emergency floodgate opened! So there.

My husband is now off work, first for the holiday this week, then for paternity leave starting next week. We are hopeful he will get 1 week at the tail end to work from home to help with the transition.

Having my son 2 1/2 years ago was very difficult. He was premature, and we lived in a town away from family and not too many friends, and my husband had to go back to work shortly after. My son was VERY high needs and colicky. I was exhausted. I remember one day not having slept for 24 hours. I actually started to hallucinate. I consulted with a breastfeeding consultant or 2 (a life saver) and went to a semi-weekly new moms support group. Those foggy days of mommy amnesia seem so long ago. And yet, I know, to a certain extent, they are right around the corner.

Only this time, my husband will be home longer. Grandma lives closer, and I have wonderful friends I can call on if I need help, to like say, take a 45 minute nap.

And I am praying the temperament of this child will be milder than my son's. Not that I don't love my son to pieces, I am just glad that God gave me my son first. So I could focus on his needs and not have to divide my attention between 2 children, the youngest being the most needy, without a support system. I consider this His grace.

And I know His grace will be there for me with this child as well. He will not give us more than we can handle. We may not always have a choice in our circumstances, but we always have a choice in our outlook and our attitude. And those of us who believe and follow the Messiah Yeshua, we have the greatest gift of all.

We have His constant presence and abiding peace.

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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Some Thoughts on Hanukkah

An old college professor of mine used to make us take the first 10 minutes of class doing a freewriting exercise. We could not proofread or edit this entry into our notebooks. Whatever came to our minds, even if it didn't make much sense, we had to write it down. Looking back, I can see the value of this exercise and I think I will write today's entry in that style. So bear with me. 8 and a half months pregnant with serious mommy memory lapse and a freewriting exercise on my thoughts about Hanukkah. Whew! Such a desired attempt must be due to the wonderful afterglow of our Hanuukah party last night. Even so, its message urges me onward...

Hanukkah. Hanukkah. If I am not careful enough, I will get that 8 minute Adam Sandler song stuck in my head!

Hanukkah is special to me. It was one of the key holidays I started to celebrate in my paradigm shift from gentile Chirstianity to the Hebrew root of my faith (the other was Passover). Hanukkah has very special significance to me for another reason.

The Maccabees revolted against a tyrannical culture and religion which sought to impose persecution of the children of Israel because of their belief in the One True God. Through Antiochus IV Epiphanes, (evil Syrian ruler and the shady character in Israel's history who has foreshadowed the ultimate lawless one, the coming anti-messiah of the end times; see Daniel chapter 8), the spread of the Greek/Hellenistic culture and polytheistic religion was unstoppable. He went so far as to set up an altar to Zeus in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem (the place, where my good friend so succinctly put it, was where the very presence of God dwelt). This insult, to the Jewish people of the time, combined with the fact they were forbidden by God to bow down to any idol, was the last straw. Many of the people had succumbed to this directive, to bow down to Zeus in the temple of the Almighty. After all, the Hellenistic culture, complete with its language, arts, literature, and humanistic/philosophical ways of thinking had been introduced to the Israelites prior to this command. They were used to it. Assimilated. Like a chicken slowly boiling in water doesn't realize his demise.

Bow down.

Many did. But one family (led by their partiarch Mattathias) in particular, refused. Not only did they refuse, but legend has it that Mattathias followed the command of the Lord his God by striking dead the first Israelite to approach the altar of Zeus in order to bow, AS WELL AS THE PRESIDING HIGH PRIEST, the priesthood of which was already corrupted by the Syrian rulers.

Consequently, Mattathias' sons, who later came to be known as the Maccabees, retreated to the hills and returned a small army which defeated the much larger Syrian army. Thus, Israel as a nation and the people of God, was freed from her opressors. Freed, yet once again, as they had been from Pharaoh, to worship their God in the way He had prescribed. Thus the Temple was cleansed and restored. This was the miracle. This rededication of the temple is what the Jews (including Jesus as recorded in John 10:22-23) commemorated every year during the winter.

As my husband pointed out, the majority of Israelites had not repented. Mattathias and his sons did. A small remnant. They stood in the gap between obedience and lawlessness for the sake of their fellow man. True intercessors. And saved a nation. It all started by their refusal to break the Lord's command to not have any other idol in His presence. Who knows?- the nation of Israel was saved through them, paving the way for Messiah to come to Israel. Many other stories from scripture reflect the same theme. Idols were purged, high places destroyed, Israel blessed. Obedience.....blessing and affirmation. Promise fulfilled.

What of this concept today? When we Americans think of idols, we tend to think of small statues from faraway lands from long ago. We don't think these concepts apply to our way of life today. Here. Oh, there are some I know in the Body of Messiah who know the evil associated with idols coming from other religions and such. And many have even removed them from their lives once discerned in order to please God and to regain His favor.

However, what about the familial and cultural idols in our lives? There are many. And they are more vast than one would initially think. The idols I got rid of during my discovery of Hanukkah and the true meaning of Hanukkah were simple. I battled a food and sweet addiction. This is an ongoing struggle in my life, but I had made some headway. And I, like many other red blooded Americans, celebrated Christmas. Complete with all of the traditions which are steeped in pagan idolatry and have nothing to do with the Savior. This started to change when I started understanding, from a Hebrew perspective, how God feels about it. For more info, please see the previous post.

As I went through this salmon-swimming-upstream-transition in my life, I felt much lonliness and opposition, and even sometimes boredom. Sometimes critical looks and blank stares. I am grateful the Lord gave me a very good friend to go through this process of repentance with. And another friend, whom I consider one of my biggest cheerleaders and closest friend, like a sister, who supported my transformation, although she did not always agree or understand. He has since increased the good company I am in. I am blessed beyond words.

When I read (or sing) about the Maccabees each year during this season, I cannot help but identify with their single solitary audacity to do what they felt in their consciences was right, despite all of the opposition, criticism, and ousting they faced. Can you imagine the attitudes they would have encountered?- "Why are you rocking the boat? Don't we have good lives? Hasn't the economy been good since the Syrians took over? THINK OF YOUR FAMILY! YOU WILL BE ALIENATING THE ONES YOU LOVE!!" "YOU'RE CREATING DIVISION!" (And I am sure, even some misapplication of the 'Love your neighbor' command trying to out-trump the more significant command to "Love the Lord your God" replete with the how's- have no other gods before Him). And then there are what I imagine were the taunts to abandon their God; "What has HE done for us lately? He abandoned us when we needed Him the most". "Those religious zealots who still emphasize the Lord's cammandments have gotten ahold of you". "Those have been done away with. After all, so has the sacrifices in the Temple. Don't you see? Our God does not want us, man!" Or even those attitudes which were steeped in religious deception, such as, "It doesn't offend God nowadays because...(insert twisted religious or apostate reason.) Ouch.

Yet I have also been recipient of these kinds of attitudes. Both from family members as well as well-meaning brothers and sisters in the Body of Messiah. And still, I have this fire burning in the marrow of my bones that will not go away. It started out as indignation. But now it is pure holy fire. Holy jealousy for my God and His ways. Now I simply am uncapable of going back. Of putting on the blinders again. After all, even if we deny, as Peter denied Yeshua while in his weakest state, how can we no longer NOT know? If my Lord, who gave me His all, loves me unconditionally more than any other human being ever will or can, hates or loves a thing, will I not hate it or love it too? Or at least start to WANT to love it or hate it? May my resolve be strengthened rather than diminished with time and with onslaught of opposition.

This has been the case in my life with many things...not just Christmas or for that matter, not just lying or gossip or adultery. It has been repentance and deliverance. And repentance and deliverance. And yet more repentance and more deliverance. Of course victory follows deliverance. We love that part, right? Victory!! But we often want to skip the repentance part. And so we don't gain true lasting victory. Such is the flesh. It is at enmity with God. 24/7. It is the crux of the choice we have to make. It's what makes choosing so difficult. Our only hope is to get into agreement with God's Word (ALL OF IT. IT, LIKE HE, CHANGES NOT.) And that takes listening to the Spirit of God, which ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS says the same thing as His Torah, His teaching. I am glad that in such a struggle and the tossing of the waves, at least SOMETHING stays constant!

Those Macabees knew something about this. And I can't help but to think that even before they gained the victory over the Temple, that they had some victory (preceded by the necessary cleansing) of THEIR OWN TEMPLES. Through repentance. Through simply going back to God's commands. Through stubborn audacity and the refusal to bow down, first to public and popular opinion, and familial and neighborly opposition (today there would be an opinion poll on what the average citizen thinks of the progressive actions of the newly instituted Syrian Administration) as well as to the sword when it came down to making a final choice. They must have forseen the cost of taking the stand which they took. They had a choice.

In the movie The Family Man, ironically centered around the events of one type of "Christmas Miracle" not that much unlike It's A Wonderful Life, the character played by Tea Leoni tells her disgusted with-his-alternate-reality-life husband, Nicholas Cage, that she too, often wonders what life would have been like had she(or he) made different choices. But her tagline is this......"I choose US".

Even despite the "worse" part of "for better or for worse"...I choose US.

Can we be able to say that to our Redeemer and Savior who lives forever? After all, we are in a covenant relationship with Him, which is not unlike a marriage. Can we look to Him, who has sacrificed everything for our sakes, and say..."I choose US" ?? In everything? In every circumstance? After all, it is He that even gives us the ability to do so.

This Hanukkah, I pray that I have the fortitude and chutzpah, and especially His grace and enablement...like the Maccabees did, to say...

"I choose US".


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