Ok, so as of last week, my son was still not night weaned. You know what that means, right?....No sleep for Mommy! EVER!! That is, until now!
Benjamin was up at least 1 time per night on a good night, and as often as 10 times per night (Like when he was teething) on a bad one! He had a strong suck-to-sleep association that he developed when he was a very high needs infant. We co-slept and that meant breastfeeding on demand so that Mommy could get sleep, any sleep, as much as possible. Only the last few months he had been sleeping in his own bed and I in mine. Of course that meant me getting up out of bed several times per night to tend to his night waking. Talk about night of the LIVING DEAD!! Sometimes I would wake up not knowing where I was. Other times I would be so angry and frustrated. "Go night night!", I would say to him. But he did not know what that meant. He thought it meant I go to sleep when I get nay-nays (that's what we call it in my house).
So after much frustration and prayer, I began to discern that it is time....Benjamin is finally emotinally and developmentally ready to try a new approach (when he was younger, I did not think it right for him to cry for hours on end...the 'cry-it-out method; and La Leche League leaders made it seem like there was something wrong with ME for not wanting to martyr myself for the sake of my toddler's sleep- both extreme ends of the spectrum I was not willing to go for).
Then I thought about the "sleep separation technique" as featured on the tv show the Supernanny. And a light shone down from Heaven....
Yup! I said, "I think he is ready to try. " I certainly am and it does my son no good when Mommy is so frustrated and grumpy in the night. It can't possibly contribute to bonding, but rather hinder it. So I developed a plan.....
First off, I gradually encouraged Benjamin to nurse nutritively only during the night and I discouraged all wee hours feedings. Then I made what is called a "social story", which is a tool I used when working with students who have autism. It is a story you make up about how that particular child does something successfully, such as brush their teeth, initiate play with a friend, or solve a problem. Mine was very raw.... scribbled drawings on a few pieces of copy paper with the story line and the steps of going to sleep and staying asleep all night...LIKE A BIG BOY!! Benjamin is the main character in the story and he sleeps successfully all night long without (and this is the key) crying all night, whining for Mommy, or getting up to play. We read the story every night at his bedtime.
The next thing I did was change his bedtime routine. Usually, after bath time and story time, he would nurse to sleep. I now offer nay-nays on my lap, rather than in bed in sleeping position BEFORE laying him down to sleep. Once he is done, I say "Ok, it's time to go to sleep now; time to go night night". The first night after laying him down and shutting off the light, I sat right next to his bed facing to the side with my head down not making any eye contact whatsoever (and of course I am praying and interceding like mad!) If he got out of bed, I simply put him back with a kiss and a firm "It's time to go night night". Then reassumed my position. Each subsequent night, I moved a few inches closer to the door. (I had to go gradually because my son has quite high sepapration anxiety- I let his abilities determine my pace). The final end result was I was out the door!
If he woke up during the night (which he is notorious for doing), I would simply kiss him goodnight and tell him again it is time to go to sleep and assume my positon (wherever I had left off at bedtime). Then when he went back to sleep, I returned to my bed.
How it Worked
The first night Benjamin cried for only 1 or 2 minutes, and not boisterously. Then he fussed (complained) for a minute or 2, said, "Mama...mama...", then fell over and slept. The next night it was less and the night after that it was even less. I do not feel guilty because he didn't cry it out, as in be in distress for hours or even minutes on end. Did he complain? Oh yeah. That is my son's personality- he complains and is expressive. But he complains when I don't give him a toy fast enough either. He was not damaged one bit in the process. As I said....I knew through prayer and mommy's instinct that he was ready for this step toward independance. He was developmentally ready as well...he had already cut all his teeth and he was not sick.
We worked on naps at the same time during the day using the same method as at night. And I made sure he was neither hungry nor thirsty before time to sleep.
His complaints got less and less at bedtime. Last night, he did not make a sound. He lay down happily, cuddled his favorite bear, and drifted off. Even during the night he just would make a vocal noise, then go right back to sleep. He finally broke his suck-to-sleep association and not only puts himslef back to sleep, he doesn't fully wake up from light phase sleep during the night, thus having trained HIMSELF, to fall back into deep sleep! Now, to me, who has been sleep deprived for over a year and suffering, this is no small feat!! It is nothing short of a miracle.
Let me tell you what it means to me to have my toddler sleep thru the night:
I can focus and concentrate on any given task.
I do not have purple circles around my eyes that I try to cover with make-up.
I no longer take my plate to the bathroom instead of the kitchen sink (this really happened!)
I am a safer driver on the roads.. and all of you said, "AMEN!"
I can lose weight like any normal person (if I apply myself! Ha!)
I am less grumpy and snappy toward my husband and son (and they both said AMEN!)
I can start going to prayer group some evenings (and God said AMEN!)
My house stays cleaner.
I don't forget to pay the bills (and my creditors said AMEN!)
And I have more uninterrupted time in the evenings to write my blogs (and you readers said....Uggh!) Just kidding.
You get the point, and I get the shut eye!
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