I knew I was named after my 2 grandmothers. My first name came from my father's mother. Her name was Ruby Vesteen. My middle name came from my mother's mother. My father's mother passed away when my father was 17 years old, so I couldn't ask her what my name meant. (My mother got my name from her headstone- romantic, eh?) So with the help of my dad, we asked every living close relative of his mother if they knew where the name came from or what it meant. No one knew. My maiden name was Williams. And I knew it meant "defender" or "strength".
So I decided to go straight to the Lord and ask Him one day. It was when I was single and I remember I was sweeping my kitchen floor. I came to Him with an earnest heart. I asked Him to reveal the meaning of my name. I felt the Lord speak to my heart, in that wonderful still-small voice which those who belong to Him are familiar with. In response to my question, He said, "You are an investor of strength". In this moment, I had the understanding that I had been invested into (by His goodness) and that I in turn would invest what had been invested in me into others. I took it that I had my answer.
Two years later, I happened to be working for an industrial construction company as a receptionist and office assistant. Part of my job was to file away papers, including those involving taxes and investments. Then one day, I saw it there on the page: at the bottom of a form from one of the companies we invested in. It had a line above it for someone to sign. It said "vestee". I thought to myself, Add one letter, and you have my name. I ran to my controller (with whom I had a positive working relationship) and I urgently asked him to tell me what this word meant. He confirmed what the Lord had spoken to me years ago. I often wondered what I was doing at that job (I usually worked in special education), if it were not to merely find the answer, in the natural realm, to my question. A true confirmation.
Ask. And you shall receive.
When I was pregnant with our son, we found out he was a boy and my husband jokingly said we should name him Guido Sarducci. (a nod to all the SNL fans). But seriously, he suggested the name Benjamin, which in Hebrew means "son of my right hand". I liked it. I have a story in one of my first blogs about how I had forgiven a former student of mine who caused me physical injury, and how I had forgotten his name was Ben. So I was not offended by that name at all. (see post from, IDK, a long time ago). I had 2 alternates for a middle name and I emailed them to my husband at work, knowing which one he would choose. Our son's middle name is Aviel. In Hebrew it means "God is my father". I am glad for my son's name. I believe it has prophetic significance to his life. I believe God chooses names. And inspires parents toward their children's names. If they are open and listening. And sometimes even when they are not.
Another Baby??
As I have written in previous posts, my son had a very rough beginning in life. Bonding was inhibited in the beginning because he was in the hospital. This was further complicated because he had colic once we got him home. I don't care how much of a saint you are (and I love my son to pieces), it is very difficult to bond with and form warm attcahment to a baby who spends 25-50% of his time crying and screaming. It is very difficult. But I was determined. So I breastfed. For a long time. And I wore him in a sling as often as my back didn't give out. I was terribly sleep deprived and slightly traumatized for over a year and a half. My son did not sleep through the night until he was a little older than a year and a half. I sent away for a copy of "The Fussy Baby" and the author signed it! Without me ever writing him or telling our story. I was so encouraged.
I always had the feeling that I didn't want my son to be an only child. I wanted him to have a sibling. But I couldn't forsee going through the difficulties we had gone through so willingly so soon. I didn't neccessarily want another baby. Another child, maybe, and so I toyed with the idea of adoption. You see, I thought it was possible that all babies could have the same temperament combined with the rough start my son had (he was premie and this can be the case with subsequent pregnancies). What did I know? He was my first child. So this made us not be in a hurry to seriously discuss having another one.
It was in the fall of 2008 I started to feel these nudgings. Some of it was rationale. You know: your husband isn't getting any younger. What will a child in grade school's friends and teachers think of a dad who was already collecting social security? And more importantly, I want my husband to be around to see his children (all of them) grow up, have their bar mitzvahs, go to college, get married.....
With the same earnestness I asked the Lord the meaning of my name, I (secretly) approached Him with this same concern. I knew if it was the Lord's will for us to have another child, He would certainly provide for us and be there with us. I knew this by faith in His Word and knowing His character. So I prayed one night. I asked Him, despite what I or man thought, what His will for us was. Did He have another child for us? THAT NIGHT, I went to sleep and I had a dream. I saw my son. Running around the coffee table, playing. Then I saw her. The back of her head....the most goldeness curls I have ever seen. Brassy, almost. Goldilocks! She was sitting next to me and I knew she was mine.
I woke up and thanked the Lord for His answer and asked Him to move upon the heart of my husband, who had no idea I was praying about more children.
In October, I watched, along with the rest of America, the campaign speeches of the presidential candidates. It was during Sarah Palin's speech, when the camera panned to a member of the audience holding a sign with her name, that the Lord spoke to me. He told me I would have a daughter and her name is Sarah. I dismissed the voice. I thought it may have been my own wishful thinking or maybe just a fleshly thought. Besides, although I agree with much of her foundational beliefs and platform, I wasn't particularly a fan of Sarah Palin. I was just tuning in to watch her speech since the media was making such a stink about her. I didn't know much about her. And so I shelved it. I mean, I don't have anything personal against the name Sarah. In fact, I have had friends with that name. I know of Sarah in the Bible. I knew in Hebrew the word means "princess". But I wasn't particularly fond of that name for my child if I should have one. And besides, I wasn't even pregnant yet. I hadn't even talked to Danny about it!!
Once I had received answer to my prayer, I prayed about timing. One evening, I heard His voice again. "It is time".
It is TIME?!- I thought. Uh, ok. Then something funny happened. Without going into too much detail so as to be crude or inapropriate, I will just say 3 days after He spoke that, the birth control method we had been using suddenly became ineffective and obsolete.
One night, on the way home from a rare date at the movies, my husband and I had the serious discussion of more children. We had just seen the movie "Defiance" about the 2 Jewish brothers who saved a campful of survivors during WWII and lived in the forest. At the end of the true story, there was a blurb about how both brothers lived, moved to the USA, and started a trucking company. Because of them, 5,000 lives were saved (the survivors plus their descendants). This was very moving and I saw it as a wonderful transition to talk about our legacy. My husband agreed. And so it was officially decided. We would begin trying immediately.
Once we found out I was pregnant (it took about 2 months. Getting rid of synthetic hormones was a factor), I began praying about a name. Since this child was ordained to be here by the Lord, I wanted the name He had chosen for the child. Again, a person's name is key to their destiny here on earth. That is how much God loves each and every one of us.
I had forgotten (or had chosen to forget) the Lord speaking to me about the name Sarah. I began looking at baby names sites and books and the meanings of names I liked. I had one in mind. And for a middle name, I couldn't get the name Grace out of my mind.
The Lord was not in agreement with my choice (of first name. My husband wasn't crazy about it either). And the Lord gave me a gentle, yet firm reminder one night in a dream. It was a time when the subject was not on my mind. I had a dream that I had made a phone call. To get through, it required me to use a password. I had forgotten my password, and so a recording asked me one of those safety-net questions. It asked me what I was to name my child when it was born (how a machine knew this over the phone is beyond me, but it was a dream after all). And then, without the slightest hesitation, as if someone else were speaking through me, I blurted out, "Sarah". End of dream. But I woke up very shaken up with the fear of Almighty God. He meant business about this and I had better listen. After all, if the Creator of the universe, who knows us each so intimately that every one of our hairs on our heads is counted (Matthew 10:30; Luke 12:7) says a person's name is such and such...who am I to argue with Him?
I like the way the scriptures talk about this intimate knowledge God has of us:
Psalm 139: 13-16
For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, {And} skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained {for me,} When as yet there was not one of them.
So I meditated on the name Sarah. And Grace. I told my husband about what I had felt the Lord saying to me. He liked the name (a good sign!) and he said let's keep praying and talking about it.
It was about during this time that a friend of mine sent me a link to a Hebrew names website and I saw the name Sarah written in Hebrew. Next to it, it said "princess". But then it offered another meaning for the name. It said "(female) minister". I liked that. Female minister of grace. God's grace, which is unmerited favor. Undeserved. But given freely. Would my daughter be a minister of His grace? I really liked that.
Meanwhile, friends and family were excited to hear our good news. I battled slight morning sickness (nothing like with my first pregnancy where I was nauseous all day and all night the entire pregnancy). And I remained fairly active and busy, especially during the second trimester, teaching a messianic dance worship group.
I also asked the Lord to confirm His choice for the name to me in the natural. He had done it with my own name after all.
Then, one day, after church service was over, I was manning the cd ministry table which my husband and I oversee. I was talking with a precious intercessor in our church and another friend. They asked me if I knew if the baby was going to be a girl or a boy. I told them that I knew from the Lord it was going to be a girl and what her name was. Then, the precious intercessor looked at me and said, "You know, that happened to a relative of mine. She prayed and the Lord told her the baby's name was Sarah Grace". Friend, I just about fainted on the floor!! It felt like lightening shot through my body! That was the exact name the Lord gave me and I had been praying about! Not just one of the names, not just Sarah, but both names. What are the odds? Leaving the parking lot that day, I told Danny what had happened and he was pretty blown away.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
As time went on and we kept saying the name, we would always say both names. Sarah-Grace. It occured to me one day, why not hyphenate the name? A friend of mine hyphenated her daughter's name and it is beautiful. And unique. So I asked my friend what she thought. (after asking my husband, of course, who liked it as well). She liked it. I considered it a mini-homage to her friendship and the fact that she is a blessing in our lives.
During the latter half of my pregnancy, the doctor kept sending me back to get sonograms because the placenta was low-lying and they were concerned about placenta previa. And wouldn't you know it, every time I went in there, to the same technician, he would try to also determine the sex of the baby and she would always be crossing her legs making it difficult to know for sure. So I really had to trust the Lord! I mean, what if I got into the hospital, gave birth, and it was a boy?! I had heard of people being surprised before! And after that wonderful pink baby shower my friends gave me! Oh my. I was really stepping out on this one.
Then, on December 24, 2009, at 10pm, my water broke as we were settling in for the night. We went to the hospital while my mom spent the night with my son who was already in bed. I told them I had a scheduled C-section on Dec 29th. They checked me and said I was going into surgery that night.
On December 24, 2009, at 3:26am, Sarah-Grace Blackman was born. A healthy 7 lbs 4.8 oz and 21 inches long. She is a blessing to our lives and a true minister of God's wonderful grace!
Shalom.
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