Got your attention? Good! Because I know how the flesh operates. It starts out as curiosity, then intrigue, then gravitation, then obsession, then posession. That is the way the flesh operates. And the scriptures state that the flesh is at war with God's Spirit.
But I am AM having an affair.
BY the way, it sounds like such a nice and quaint phrase, doesn't it? An Affair. A fling. Such niceties for such an atrocity. Extramarital affairs are not nice things. They are smart bombs. They destroy. Completely. The person having the affair is not the only one and definitely not the most negatively affected. Adultery harms everyone, the children, the cuckholded spouse, the cheating spouse, and yes, even the "other" man or woman. Adulteries do not usually start out as that. They start out emotionally. They start out with one conversation. One inviting glance, one meeting. They seemingly meet some kind of emotional or physical need. But they end in destruction. Of a person. Of a family. Of a nation. How insidious is that? And yet tv programs are filled with it. It is touted in Hollywood, as a way of life, it no longer is even considered an alternative lifestyle. It's a part of life. And Hollywood so influences the world that it can start and set trends at the drop of a word. Or the flash of an image. 30 years after the sexual revolution, adultery is not even shunned or raised a brow at. It is expected as everyday life.
Now that I have gotten you to read thus far... I will tell you that I am deciding not to follow those trends, cultural or otherwise. But I am passionate about my affair. Because I relish the time I spend with my beloved(s), however radical you think it might be for me to say that.
I am having an affair with my husband. With my son. I cannot wait until the door opens at the end of the day and my beloved walks through the door and my son smiles widely, arms flailing in excitement that Daddy is home. I look forward to our conversations, even the little ones, the time we spend together every evening. When we discuss things of our faith together. Even the challenges do not seem to be too much of an imposition. I am enjoying my affair. I enjoy seeing the look on my son's face when he goes down the slide for the first time, or holds wood chips in his hand. I enjoy our outings together as a family, even if it is just to the grocery store. And the grin on my son's face when he sees Mommy and Daddy give eachother a good night kiss is priceless. Because I know for him to see his married parents show affection toward eachother brings him peace and security.
My affair may be radical by today's standards. Some people, even faithful married people may have cringed when they read this entery. Thinking it somehow tasteless or creepy. I do not care. We are living in a time when the Bible predicted that good will be called evil and evil good.
If more people would treat their spouses with as much attention, passion, care, and sacrifice, as Hollywood treats its adulterous lovers, we might wake up one morning to a different culture.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Classical Baby
Every Saturday and Sunday morning, while I take a much desired extended shower or bath, my husband watches Classical Baby with our 1 year old. This is a cute show featuring classical (and as my husband has pointed out, 1 contemporary) pieces of music set to animated sketches starring a baby conductor. Yesterday my husband asked me if I regularly put it on for Benjamin during the week while he is at work.
"No", I replied, "That is yours and the baby's thing. He only watches it with Daddy". My husband liked that. I think he partly liked the idea that he had something to share exclusively with our son and that would be something special Benjamin could always look back on with fond memories of his Daddy. That means a lot to me too. But I also see it as having a deep and impactful effect on our son in a slightly different way. I wonder if Benjamin's Daddy would agree with me. (A hint for possible midrash).
Romans 11:29 says that the "Gifts and calling of God are irrevocable". The gifts and the call that He has given to each person (and thus to groups of people, for He did, after all, organize the children of Israel into tribes) cannot be taken back by Him, even if the person or people group does not use these gifts to serve God or glorify Him. The root gifts will always be there, as long as the person is living, and if he or she has offspring, will be passed down to them. Now, a person's choices, I believe, can affect whether or not those gifts are given in their purity and not tainted or twisted in any way, for a life lived unto the Lord is blessed and one's children are blessed. But God is merciful even to the disobedient. Oftentimes, a calling that goes unheeded by a parent, will be transferred and the oppotunity to fulfill the call or destiny, will be available to one's children. To me, this shows the loving kindness and mercy of God.
I believe as a parent, I can identify the possible giftings in mine and my husband's family, and with prayer and discernment, can identify and then nurture those giftings and callings in my children's lives. It is a wonderful adventure and discovery as a parent to find what your child is good at and then become a parental steward for the gift until the child grows to maturity and then must steward the gift for him or herself.
My husband's father was in the military, but he was also a professional artist in San Francisco, during the time of the beatniks. Some of his work is still available online for viewing. His style was abstract. He was also known for constructing such complex structures as model ships. But as my husband points out, he would use actual blueprints for ships found in the library, rather than the instructions that come with the individual model. What ability and concentration that must take! I see a glimpse of this when my son plays blocks with his Daddy at night on our bed- a part of his bedtime routine. Before 12 months of age, he was able to put shapes into their corresponding holes, something which I could never do, even in kindergarten! (There is a traumatic story behind that, but enough about me!) What's remarkable is his penchant for being able to concentrate on this task for 30-45 minutes at a time!
My husband's mother (Both his parents are deceased and I lament that I never met either of them) was an expert in children's literature. She held a master's degree in early childhood education and is well-known for starting and supporting children's libraries and bookstores throughout the Bay Area. She had a passion for books. We have many of her collections. She saw how books could teach children skills, social skills, coping skills, and life lessons. She was an advocate and practicer of library readings and story-telling. I see this passion for books and stories in my baby when I break out his favorite bedtime stories. He literally LEAPS for joy!- and reaches out to grab the book as I read with abandon. His tendancy to try and eat the corners of the book, according to my observations, has everything to do with the desire to make these stories a part of himself as it does to satisfy a teething need! It is his paternal grandmother who also instilled a love of classical music in my husband which he in turn translates to Benjamin through their weekend morning ritual.
My mother is a master communicator and lover of people. She has had a career in radio for over 25 years now. If she had to work in a dark cubicle somewhere away from the rest of the world, she wouldn't be able to survive. Everyone who has met my mother says they feel as though they have known her their whole lives. Ya know the phrase....never met a stranger...? That's Benjamin's "Nonie". She is full of love and positivity. She emulates Jesus Himself with her desire to connect with people and to connect people to each other. I see Ben's love of people and sunny disposition everytime we are in public; strangers smile at him and are captivated when he smiles warmly back at them. He watches people as if watching them were a science (ok, part of his mommy in there too...I studied people, er, psychology in high school and college). But his desire to commmunicate, reach out, and be heard and understood, even by us at home I am sure comes from his maternal grandmother.
My father is a car enthusiast and a mechanical specialist. He never met a car he could not fix, or at least appreciate! And the gleem he gets in his eye when trying to teach another person about cars, machines, or how to care for them is obvious. But it is not so much the desire, as much as the importance of being exactly precise about the information, care, and procedures. And the ensuing pride when one is fixed or made more beautiful in the end. It is like looking at a master craftsman stepping back, resting and admiring his work, much like the Creator of the universe when He rested on the seventh day after making the intricacies of creation. I see this in Benjamin when he organizes his toys as best he can and makes sure he gets all of the components in their proper places, then looks up at me with a big smile, admiring his completeness.
My father was also quite the athlete, a trait which both he and my mother passed on to my younger brother. My father set records in basketball in high school, which to the time of my childhood still had not been broken. My brother is an incredible pitcher, a prospect of major league scouts in high school no less and to this day manages up to 2 successful softball teams at a time, making trips to state and national levels a yearly event for his teams. I see this in Benjamin's strength! Anyone who knows my son knows he is very strong, and potentially athletic, despite the fact of being born 6 weeks early and fighting for the ability just to breathe right in a hospital incubator. It is also a testament to the ability to overcome adverse circumstances, a trait I see in every single one of the people I have mentioned in this blog.
Then I know of attributes which are not passed through blood and DNA, per se, but the soveriegn orchestrating of events by God and the intricate threads of our lives whereby significant others come into playing a part in our very being...
My stepmother is a diva when it comes to domesticity. If you have enjoyed any of my treats in the past, or my ability to pick out your favorites, it is partly due to that fact that I am a sugar addict, but it is most certainly due to the fact that I watched my stepmother in the kitchen and the home. The consistency with which she cared for the home, her husband and children, ran a large household and did it with a sense of duty to faith in God was noted by this writer from a very young age. I believe love of home is most definitely seen in my son, every time our SUV nears home from a long journey, or even a trip to the corner grocery store. He is at ease at home. He knows it is a place where he will get his emotional as well as his physical needs met.
Then there's my stepfather. He loves people and he does it with gusto! He is known everywhere as the Candy Man because he gives a piece of candy to everyone he meets. He never had anything in the world (especially including time) which he wasn't willing to give up for someone else's benefit. And he communicates this with humor and humility. I can see his gifting being the ability to connect with every person, whehter born to privelege or poverty, he does not care which side of the tracks a person is from. I can see this trait influencing my son as well, every time my son offers up a toy to share and a huge grin doing it.
And finally, last but not least my son's Daddy is the most compassionate person I have ever met! That is why I married him. I also admire his wisdom, which he himself would tell you, came through many trials by fire. He can put himself in the shoes of any person, and yet knows the proper way to respond in a given situation. And he doesn't often give in to platitudes, but looks at the intentions of a person's heart. He knows when someone is not being truthful or full of integrity. But he lovingly if not also plainly directs them back. I see the traits of Father God in him. He has a love of the truth, which I clearly see in his oldest son Anthony who is a writer, artist, and record producer, and yet tempers it with compassion for people and circumstance, which I most definitely see in his middle son Jonathan and the youngest, Benjamin. Benjamin, much like his father, can concentrate for hours on any given task or circumstance with patience. His father does this especially if it is a biblical principle. He engages it with courage and patience until the real truth or application to life emerges. I see this every time he plays with our son. Our son listens to his father, taking him seriously, observing his father's words, much like the father encourages the son to do in the book of Proverbs. My husband is also all for helping- no matter the task, however menial others might perceive it to be, he has a faithful servant's heart.
I know there are many more people that have definitely and indellibly had their mark on what is to become my son's destiny. My grandmother Ruth, who, as her name suggests, was a friend to many and who had upwards of 300 people attend her funeral, my 2 aunts, Judy and Janice, who have certainly influenced the person I have become as an adult, and others have not labored in vain, when it comes to me and my family! And then there's our spiritual family, the mishpocah...(and I would need a volume of books for them!) Too many valuable traits to mention in just 1 blog, but perhaps I can introduce you to them (with their permission) in later blogs in a fitting way.
Whether our son ends up being a great communicator, writer, preacher, teacher, or a craftsman in the arts, music, or technology, or a star athlete, which any of these paths would be most fesible, one thing is for certain: it sure is fun to discover such traits that are given by God Himself and passed on to our posterity. To sit and ponder such is encouraged in the scriptures. Today our lives are filled with such junk on tv and internet as...gossip, bad news, happenings, wickedness, that I would rather follow the advice of Phillipians 4:8 and try to make it a discilpline in life:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is acceptable, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence, and if there is anything praise-worthy, keep thinking on these things.
"No", I replied, "That is yours and the baby's thing. He only watches it with Daddy". My husband liked that. I think he partly liked the idea that he had something to share exclusively with our son and that would be something special Benjamin could always look back on with fond memories of his Daddy. That means a lot to me too. But I also see it as having a deep and impactful effect on our son in a slightly different way. I wonder if Benjamin's Daddy would agree with me. (A hint for possible midrash).
Romans 11:29 says that the "Gifts and calling of God are irrevocable". The gifts and the call that He has given to each person (and thus to groups of people, for He did, after all, organize the children of Israel into tribes) cannot be taken back by Him, even if the person or people group does not use these gifts to serve God or glorify Him. The root gifts will always be there, as long as the person is living, and if he or she has offspring, will be passed down to them. Now, a person's choices, I believe, can affect whether or not those gifts are given in their purity and not tainted or twisted in any way, for a life lived unto the Lord is blessed and one's children are blessed. But God is merciful even to the disobedient. Oftentimes, a calling that goes unheeded by a parent, will be transferred and the oppotunity to fulfill the call or destiny, will be available to one's children. To me, this shows the loving kindness and mercy of God.
I believe as a parent, I can identify the possible giftings in mine and my husband's family, and with prayer and discernment, can identify and then nurture those giftings and callings in my children's lives. It is a wonderful adventure and discovery as a parent to find what your child is good at and then become a parental steward for the gift until the child grows to maturity and then must steward the gift for him or herself.
My husband's father was in the military, but he was also a professional artist in San Francisco, during the time of the beatniks. Some of his work is still available online for viewing. His style was abstract. He was also known for constructing such complex structures as model ships. But as my husband points out, he would use actual blueprints for ships found in the library, rather than the instructions that come with the individual model. What ability and concentration that must take! I see a glimpse of this when my son plays blocks with his Daddy at night on our bed- a part of his bedtime routine. Before 12 months of age, he was able to put shapes into their corresponding holes, something which I could never do, even in kindergarten! (There is a traumatic story behind that, but enough about me!) What's remarkable is his penchant for being able to concentrate on this task for 30-45 minutes at a time!
My husband's mother (Both his parents are deceased and I lament that I never met either of them) was an expert in children's literature. She held a master's degree in early childhood education and is well-known for starting and supporting children's libraries and bookstores throughout the Bay Area. She had a passion for books. We have many of her collections. She saw how books could teach children skills, social skills, coping skills, and life lessons. She was an advocate and practicer of library readings and story-telling. I see this passion for books and stories in my baby when I break out his favorite bedtime stories. He literally LEAPS for joy!- and reaches out to grab the book as I read with abandon. His tendancy to try and eat the corners of the book, according to my observations, has everything to do with the desire to make these stories a part of himself as it does to satisfy a teething need! It is his paternal grandmother who also instilled a love of classical music in my husband which he in turn translates to Benjamin through their weekend morning ritual.
My mother is a master communicator and lover of people. She has had a career in radio for over 25 years now. If she had to work in a dark cubicle somewhere away from the rest of the world, she wouldn't be able to survive. Everyone who has met my mother says they feel as though they have known her their whole lives. Ya know the phrase....never met a stranger...? That's Benjamin's "Nonie". She is full of love and positivity. She emulates Jesus Himself with her desire to connect with people and to connect people to each other. I see Ben's love of people and sunny disposition everytime we are in public; strangers smile at him and are captivated when he smiles warmly back at them. He watches people as if watching them were a science (ok, part of his mommy in there too...I studied people, er, psychology in high school and college). But his desire to commmunicate, reach out, and be heard and understood, even by us at home I am sure comes from his maternal grandmother.
My father is a car enthusiast and a mechanical specialist. He never met a car he could not fix, or at least appreciate! And the gleem he gets in his eye when trying to teach another person about cars, machines, or how to care for them is obvious. But it is not so much the desire, as much as the importance of being exactly precise about the information, care, and procedures. And the ensuing pride when one is fixed or made more beautiful in the end. It is like looking at a master craftsman stepping back, resting and admiring his work, much like the Creator of the universe when He rested on the seventh day after making the intricacies of creation. I see this in Benjamin when he organizes his toys as best he can and makes sure he gets all of the components in their proper places, then looks up at me with a big smile, admiring his completeness.
My father was also quite the athlete, a trait which both he and my mother passed on to my younger brother. My father set records in basketball in high school, which to the time of my childhood still had not been broken. My brother is an incredible pitcher, a prospect of major league scouts in high school no less and to this day manages up to 2 successful softball teams at a time, making trips to state and national levels a yearly event for his teams. I see this in Benjamin's strength! Anyone who knows my son knows he is very strong, and potentially athletic, despite the fact of being born 6 weeks early and fighting for the ability just to breathe right in a hospital incubator. It is also a testament to the ability to overcome adverse circumstances, a trait I see in every single one of the people I have mentioned in this blog.
Then I know of attributes which are not passed through blood and DNA, per se, but the soveriegn orchestrating of events by God and the intricate threads of our lives whereby significant others come into playing a part in our very being...
My stepmother is a diva when it comes to domesticity. If you have enjoyed any of my treats in the past, or my ability to pick out your favorites, it is partly due to that fact that I am a sugar addict, but it is most certainly due to the fact that I watched my stepmother in the kitchen and the home. The consistency with which she cared for the home, her husband and children, ran a large household and did it with a sense of duty to faith in God was noted by this writer from a very young age. I believe love of home is most definitely seen in my son, every time our SUV nears home from a long journey, or even a trip to the corner grocery store. He is at ease at home. He knows it is a place where he will get his emotional as well as his physical needs met.
Then there's my stepfather. He loves people and he does it with gusto! He is known everywhere as the Candy Man because he gives a piece of candy to everyone he meets. He never had anything in the world (especially including time) which he wasn't willing to give up for someone else's benefit. And he communicates this with humor and humility. I can see his gifting being the ability to connect with every person, whehter born to privelege or poverty, he does not care which side of the tracks a person is from. I can see this trait influencing my son as well, every time my son offers up a toy to share and a huge grin doing it.
And finally, last but not least my son's Daddy is the most compassionate person I have ever met! That is why I married him. I also admire his wisdom, which he himself would tell you, came through many trials by fire. He can put himself in the shoes of any person, and yet knows the proper way to respond in a given situation. And he doesn't often give in to platitudes, but looks at the intentions of a person's heart. He knows when someone is not being truthful or full of integrity. But he lovingly if not also plainly directs them back. I see the traits of Father God in him. He has a love of the truth, which I clearly see in his oldest son Anthony who is a writer, artist, and record producer, and yet tempers it with compassion for people and circumstance, which I most definitely see in his middle son Jonathan and the youngest, Benjamin. Benjamin, much like his father, can concentrate for hours on any given task or circumstance with patience. His father does this especially if it is a biblical principle. He engages it with courage and patience until the real truth or application to life emerges. I see this every time he plays with our son. Our son listens to his father, taking him seriously, observing his father's words, much like the father encourages the son to do in the book of Proverbs. My husband is also all for helping- no matter the task, however menial others might perceive it to be, he has a faithful servant's heart.
I know there are many more people that have definitely and indellibly had their mark on what is to become my son's destiny. My grandmother Ruth, who, as her name suggests, was a friend to many and who had upwards of 300 people attend her funeral, my 2 aunts, Judy and Janice, who have certainly influenced the person I have become as an adult, and others have not labored in vain, when it comes to me and my family! And then there's our spiritual family, the mishpocah...(and I would need a volume of books for them!) Too many valuable traits to mention in just 1 blog, but perhaps I can introduce you to them (with their permission) in later blogs in a fitting way.
Whether our son ends up being a great communicator, writer, preacher, teacher, or a craftsman in the arts, music, or technology, or a star athlete, which any of these paths would be most fesible, one thing is for certain: it sure is fun to discover such traits that are given by God Himself and passed on to our posterity. To sit and ponder such is encouraged in the scriptures. Today our lives are filled with such junk on tv and internet as...gossip, bad news, happenings, wickedness, that I would rather follow the advice of Phillipians 4:8 and try to make it a discilpline in life:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is acceptable, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence, and if there is anything praise-worthy, keep thinking on these things.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Husbands and Wives
The following was written a couple months back for our family newsletter. We plan on doing our newsletter now about once a year, perhaps around Thanksgiving or Hanukkah. Although it might be considered old, news-wise, I still get a chuckle whenever I think about it.
My husband can be a man of few words. This is funny irony because my main love language is words (see The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman). So last night while we were getting ready to meet relatives for dinner, I glammed it up a little extra with the outfit, hair, and makeup because I get tired of just grubbing around in sweats and a pony tail all day. My husband gave me the highest compliment anyone has ever given to me. He said, “You look model-y”.
“Husbands, love your wives as Messiah loved the Body and gave himself up for her.” -Ephesians 5:25.
My husband can be a man of few words. This is funny irony because my main love language is words (see The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman). So last night while we were getting ready to meet relatives for dinner, I glammed it up a little extra with the outfit, hair, and makeup because I get tired of just grubbing around in sweats and a pony tail all day. My husband gave me the highest compliment anyone has ever given to me. He said, “You look model-y”.
“Husbands, love your wives as Messiah loved the Body and gave himself up for her.” -Ephesians 5:25.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Go Mom's Club!
I just love our Moms Club (of Patterson). The women are involved, caring, creative, accepting, and they don't want to be merely a social club, but they want to get involved in helping our community, including those less fortunate. I joined the group not too long ago, but so far we have been to playgroups with other children my son's age, we have joined an exercise group akin to stroller moms, and we have made new friends in our new town. We keep in touch throughout the week through discussion boards and emails. We share helpful info, support for eachother, and we are becoming a strong community presence in Patterson, which, if you have heard the news outta here recently, is a necessary thing. This town has a huge percentage of young people and I can think of no better way, coupled with prayer, to help guide the youth in the right path and shape the future of our community than banning together with other moms with like values and truly becoming a community.
There is also another mom's group in Patterson. One would think that the two groups would regress to catty competition and meanness. Although I do not know the history of the 2 groups, I can say right now, there is a spirit of reaching out and becoming untied in the Mom's Club toward this other group, working together to become a strong positive force in our town.
As a stay at home mom of a baby in a new town, I used to feel very alone and disconnected. Now I feel like this is home. I feel like I have a purpose here. :)
That's all for now.
There is also another mom's group in Patterson. One would think that the two groups would regress to catty competition and meanness. Although I do not know the history of the 2 groups, I can say right now, there is a spirit of reaching out and becoming untied in the Mom's Club toward this other group, working together to become a strong positive force in our town.
As a stay at home mom of a baby in a new town, I used to feel very alone and disconnected. Now I feel like this is home. I feel like I have a purpose here. :)
That's all for now.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Benjamin's first birthday and 1st vacation
Our son Benjamin turned 1 on Saturday. We threw a big barbeque party and many loved ones and friends came. It went well considering I was freaking about the details and all the last-minutes stuff that had to be done. My mother rescued me. I don't think anyone noticed I was stressed. But we had fun. The kids did the slip n slide and baby pool in the backyard. It was hot. And the adults watched us open presents and watched Benji attempt to eat cake! He hated it and cried and looked at us like "Why are you doing this to me?" We did it more for the guests than anyone. I just reconciled that it is a man-pleasing thing. Who cares if he doesn't like cake. I am glad my son probably won't be a sugar addict like me and his papa. I had wanted to play Pictionary with the adults, but there was not enough time. My folks stayed around until evening and we visited and laughed, and that was my favorite part. And I am so honored that many dear friends came from a long ways away to join us. That made me feel good.
We left for Benjamin's first vacation the next day. Pleasanton fair (very hot! I colored corn pictures in the exhibit building to be able to sit in the ac a few minutes!) then to Berkeley. Breakfast at our favorite Saul's today then on to Muir Woods. The baby seemed to like the tall trees. Tomorrow we do San Francisco zoo with his uncle then on to Santa Cruz.
I hope he likes and remembers his first vacation. I have hope because a friend of ours says he remembers Japanese tea gardens when he was Ben's age.
Oh! And my FAVORITE part so far.....a grreat night's sleep!! Praise God.
We left for Benjamin's first vacation the next day. Pleasanton fair (very hot! I colored corn pictures in the exhibit building to be able to sit in the ac a few minutes!) then to Berkeley. Breakfast at our favorite Saul's today then on to Muir Woods. The baby seemed to like the tall trees. Tomorrow we do San Francisco zoo with his uncle then on to Santa Cruz.
I hope he likes and remembers his first vacation. I have hope because a friend of ours says he remembers Japanese tea gardens when he was Ben's age.
Oh! And my FAVORITE part so far.....a grreat night's sleep!! Praise God.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Sleep Deprivation
It has been 1 year (day after tomorrow) that I have been a mother. I feel that the sleep deprivation is really affecting me. I can't think, focus, or remember anything. I eat sugar and carbs all the time. I go to the store and forget what I went there for. Sometimes I return my dishes to the bathroom instead of the kitchen. But the worst part of it is my patience is diminished. And that is what I am concerned about. My husband and I are currently working on a plan to get our son to sleep more through the night, but a recent stomach flu and seemingly never ending teething foils our plan everytime. The thing about a plan is you have to be consistent everytime. Perhaps our time has not yet come.
Having been sleep deprived for so long (I get several short naps per night) I have more compassion for parents than I ever had. I understand why parents get short with their children. I understand why moms get amnesia. I understand why they take their kid to the grocery store with stuff all over their face. It's hard.
I didn't have post partum depression. (I had hormonal crying spells for about a week). But I understand it. I am basically a happy person. I just have the grumpies all the time now. My poor husband. I know he needs his guy buddies around him right now. Putting up with demanding child and wife can be exhausting for him too.
And then there's the aspect of marriage that it's the upside down kingdom. It doesn't operate like the world does, or even the world's interpretation of marriage. It is about serving someone other than yourself. This is extremely hard when you don't even get a basic physical need met.
I wonder if that is what the preacher meant when he said "In sickness and in health".....
Hmmmm.
Having been sleep deprived for so long (I get several short naps per night) I have more compassion for parents than I ever had. I understand why parents get short with their children. I understand why moms get amnesia. I understand why they take their kid to the grocery store with stuff all over their face. It's hard.
I didn't have post partum depression. (I had hormonal crying spells for about a week). But I understand it. I am basically a happy person. I just have the grumpies all the time now. My poor husband. I know he needs his guy buddies around him right now. Putting up with demanding child and wife can be exhausting for him too.
And then there's the aspect of marriage that it's the upside down kingdom. It doesn't operate like the world does, or even the world's interpretation of marriage. It is about serving someone other than yourself. This is extremely hard when you don't even get a basic physical need met.
I wonder if that is what the preacher meant when he said "In sickness and in health".....
Hmmmm.
Monday, June 30, 2008
The Weeds of Bitterness
This weekend my husband and I did yardwork. I was amazed at how quickly the weeds were taking over! Didn't we just do this a month ago?- I thought.
As we were pullings weeds and sweating away in the backyard, it was as if the Lord were speaking to my heart, giving me an object lesson on a very important spiritual principle. The principle of forgiveness.
I saw a parallel between the activity of pulling the weeds before they choke the life out of our good plants, and a verse from the Bible. Hebrews 12:15 says (NIV) "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many".
Bitter root? Then I looked at the weeds I was having to pull up by their roots. I had to muster all the strength I could find to get some of them. Some were even disguising themselves by mixing in with the good plants. How insidious!- I thought.
How does bitterness grow up in our souls? Isn't it just like these wild weeds? You think you have your garden well tended, then one day all of the sudden....blamo! A huge weed threatens the life of a beautiful flower or fruit-bearing plant. When we are wounded in our souls, the wound scabs over, just like a physical wound. But if it is not healed and we entertain disappointment or nurse unforgiveness, whether it be toward another person, ourselves, or even God Himself, it starts to grow a bitter root. This root is bitter and it STINKS! Ever been around someone who does nothing but complains or is often feeling sorry for themselves? No one wants to be around a bitter root. Or do you often find yourself flying off into fits of rage, saying inapparopriate things in front of the kids or your spouse, or at other drivers on the road and wonder if an alien has taken over your body? Ever throw a tantrum and think you just can't stop yourself? You, my friend, (and sometimes I as well) are dealing with the bitter root of unforgiveness.
Stink Weed and its Root
Jesus said we would know a tree by it's fruit. A good tree could not produce bad fruit. And conversely, a bad tree cannot produce good fruit. I wonder sometimes if the stinky weeds of bitterness in our hearts are the thing that grows up and chokes off the good fruit and thus the good tree, not allowing us to bear good fruit in our lives. Sometimes we get into a rut and we just don't know how to get out. We think we have "forgiven and forgotten" someone or something and before we know it, there is a huge stinky root of bitterness we have to pull up. And we have to pull it up by it's ROOT (it's beginning point, or what I call the point of entry) in our souls. If we just take a weed wacker as a quick-fix and chop it off above ground, it will grow back faster and stronger. It must be dealt with at the root. I believe this involves 3 things: forgiving as an act of our will. Supernatural emotional and spiritual healing. And maintenance by walking in forgiveness on a regular basis.
Man's soul is comprised of three things: his mind, his will, and his emotions. Many people do the forgiving part from either their mind or their emotions, cutting off the weed above ground as a band-aid fix, and this is not effective. The person's will must be involved. This is good news because if we forgive as an act of our will, then the mind and emotions follow. Emotions are a funny thing. Many people say they cannot forgive someone because they cannot FEEL forgiveness toward that person. But it does not work that way. We can WILL to forgive someone, and over time, our emotions will line up with our will, and so does our mind (where the battle can become intense later). Let's look at it this way: God could have very well have decided to not forgive us (through the acceptable sacrifice of His son Jesus). He could have said, "They have offended me so badly, I just do not feel forgiveness toward them, therefore I cannot forgive them". If that were the case, we would have no hope. We would be in big trouble! But God DID forgive us, He made forgiveness available to each and every one of us who receives it through believing in Him, and what's more, because He did that, He made it mandatory for us to forgive others. Forgiving as an act of our will, despite how we feel, is the beginning of this. But there is another component.
The Healing Garden
Jesus said we must forgive our (offending) brother from our hearts. The heart is the seat of our emotional life and the Bible has much to say about this. It asks who can approach the holy hill of the Lord?- He who has clean hands and a pure heart. It also warns man to guard his heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life. If God wants us to take care of what goes into and out of our heart so much, don't you think He would have a plan for all the icky stuff (that is a complicated psychological term!) that happens to us? If God were to ask us to forgive our brother (Jesus says 70 times 7 times in a day- that's a lot!)....don't you think He would have a plan for all the hurt that was caused us? All the disappointment, hurt, and rejection?
Of course He would. He has a solution. Psalm 147:3 says, God "heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds". He Himself promises to heal our hearts! He heals the initial entry point, the root of hurt that causes the bitterness in the first place! Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that God heals us of EVERYTHING? Even when I was hurt so bad as a child by an authority figure (fill in the blank...a parent, a teacher, a boss...) Yes! Those are some of the toughest weeds to pull up...they've been growing there for so long. But God can heal even the most painful of hurts. He can replace the hole where the weed was pulled up and even make a beautiful fruit-bearing tree to grow in its place, creating a true healing garden to help other people. Isn't that great news? But He does not heal the things we cover up or deny, but rather only those we bring to Him by faith, by trusting that He will do what He says, for God cannot lie. So it is God Himself who deals with the second part of getting rid of the bitter root. The only thing we need to do is trust Him.
That's Some Serious Gardening!
Just how serious is God about this forgiveness thing, anyway? VERY serious. Jesus tells a parable (story) in Matthew 18 about a man who owed money to a ruler. He owed a great amount of money. Even so, after the man begged for mercy, the ruler decided to forgive the man's debt and let him go (in that day, if you couldn't pay your debt, you were thrown in jail until it could be paid). The man was very happy that he was shown mercy and forgiven. However, as he left jail, he came across another man whom he remembered owed him a small amount of money. Instead of forgiving the man's debt, as had been done for him, he demanded the man pay his debt and he threw him in jail. When the ruler found out about this, he became very angry with the man and threw him to the jailers. He said (essentially): How dare you! I forgave you of a large debt, yet you held this man accountable to pay his debt even though it was very small. Judgement had come upon the man for not forgiving the debt. What's interesting is that in the King James version, it says the man was delivered to the tormenters. So when we refuse to forgive, I believe it opens a door to the devil and his demons to torment us, whether it be in our mind, emotions, or to be able to rob us of our peace and our joy.
I have had to walk through the hard lesson of forgiveness many times. I had a lot of rejection and hurt growing up as a child. But I learned early on in my relationship with the Lord that if I was to be in close fellowship with Him, I had to forgive. And I am no expert yet. I constantly have to forgive someone for something. Sometimes daily. I believe we are called to walk in forgiveness and selfless love. I think of it as daily tending to my garden. I try to be sober and mindful to ask for healing when and where I need it, I forgive those who have trespassed against me, and I ask God for the grace to repent for all my wrongdoings (there are plenty, let me assure you!!). I ask Him to show me all these things in my heart that I cannot see, for the Bible also says the heart (of man) is deceiptfully wicked above all things and who can know it? But it is a very important place from the vantage point of the Lord. It is my heart...the place where I meet with the Lord daily. Shouldn't I want it to be clean and well tended? After all, no one would invite an important dignitary or leader to their home if their home were a filthy mess. And yet, sometimes as a Christian, I approach God in prayer or thought, asking Him to enter my garden which is overgrown with stink weeds. The creator of the universe!! Sometimes I can't hear him as well or know His perfect will for my life when my garden is overgrown. Those seem like dry times in my faith walk.
Sometimes all that is needed is a simple prayer to ask for His help in pulling those seemingly insurmountable weeds. It can make all the difference in the world. It can affect our own destiny or the destiny of our children or those we love. The key is to keep doing it and never start thinking we have arrived or that we are the ones who have done something great.
As we were pullings weeds and sweating away in the backyard, it was as if the Lord were speaking to my heart, giving me an object lesson on a very important spiritual principle. The principle of forgiveness.
I saw a parallel between the activity of pulling the weeds before they choke the life out of our good plants, and a verse from the Bible. Hebrews 12:15 says (NIV) "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many".
Bitter root? Then I looked at the weeds I was having to pull up by their roots. I had to muster all the strength I could find to get some of them. Some were even disguising themselves by mixing in with the good plants. How insidious!- I thought.
How does bitterness grow up in our souls? Isn't it just like these wild weeds? You think you have your garden well tended, then one day all of the sudden....blamo! A huge weed threatens the life of a beautiful flower or fruit-bearing plant. When we are wounded in our souls, the wound scabs over, just like a physical wound. But if it is not healed and we entertain disappointment or nurse unforgiveness, whether it be toward another person, ourselves, or even God Himself, it starts to grow a bitter root. This root is bitter and it STINKS! Ever been around someone who does nothing but complains or is often feeling sorry for themselves? No one wants to be around a bitter root. Or do you often find yourself flying off into fits of rage, saying inapparopriate things in front of the kids or your spouse, or at other drivers on the road and wonder if an alien has taken over your body? Ever throw a tantrum and think you just can't stop yourself? You, my friend, (and sometimes I as well) are dealing with the bitter root of unforgiveness.
Stink Weed and its Root
Jesus said we would know a tree by it's fruit. A good tree could not produce bad fruit. And conversely, a bad tree cannot produce good fruit. I wonder sometimes if the stinky weeds of bitterness in our hearts are the thing that grows up and chokes off the good fruit and thus the good tree, not allowing us to bear good fruit in our lives. Sometimes we get into a rut and we just don't know how to get out. We think we have "forgiven and forgotten" someone or something and before we know it, there is a huge stinky root of bitterness we have to pull up. And we have to pull it up by it's ROOT (it's beginning point, or what I call the point of entry) in our souls. If we just take a weed wacker as a quick-fix and chop it off above ground, it will grow back faster and stronger. It must be dealt with at the root. I believe this involves 3 things: forgiving as an act of our will. Supernatural emotional and spiritual healing. And maintenance by walking in forgiveness on a regular basis.
Man's soul is comprised of three things: his mind, his will, and his emotions. Many people do the forgiving part from either their mind or their emotions, cutting off the weed above ground as a band-aid fix, and this is not effective. The person's will must be involved. This is good news because if we forgive as an act of our will, then the mind and emotions follow. Emotions are a funny thing. Many people say they cannot forgive someone because they cannot FEEL forgiveness toward that person. But it does not work that way. We can WILL to forgive someone, and over time, our emotions will line up with our will, and so does our mind (where the battle can become intense later). Let's look at it this way: God could have very well have decided to not forgive us (through the acceptable sacrifice of His son Jesus). He could have said, "They have offended me so badly, I just do not feel forgiveness toward them, therefore I cannot forgive them". If that were the case, we would have no hope. We would be in big trouble! But God DID forgive us, He made forgiveness available to each and every one of us who receives it through believing in Him, and what's more, because He did that, He made it mandatory for us to forgive others. Forgiving as an act of our will, despite how we feel, is the beginning of this. But there is another component.
The Healing Garden
Jesus said we must forgive our (offending) brother from our hearts. The heart is the seat of our emotional life and the Bible has much to say about this. It asks who can approach the holy hill of the Lord?- He who has clean hands and a pure heart. It also warns man to guard his heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life. If God wants us to take care of what goes into and out of our heart so much, don't you think He would have a plan for all the icky stuff (that is a complicated psychological term!) that happens to us? If God were to ask us to forgive our brother (Jesus says 70 times 7 times in a day- that's a lot!)....don't you think He would have a plan for all the hurt that was caused us? All the disappointment, hurt, and rejection?
Of course He would. He has a solution. Psalm 147:3 says, God "heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds". He Himself promises to heal our hearts! He heals the initial entry point, the root of hurt that causes the bitterness in the first place! Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that God heals us of EVERYTHING? Even when I was hurt so bad as a child by an authority figure (fill in the blank...a parent, a teacher, a boss...) Yes! Those are some of the toughest weeds to pull up...they've been growing there for so long. But God can heal even the most painful of hurts. He can replace the hole where the weed was pulled up and even make a beautiful fruit-bearing tree to grow in its place, creating a true healing garden to help other people. Isn't that great news? But He does not heal the things we cover up or deny, but rather only those we bring to Him by faith, by trusting that He will do what He says, for God cannot lie. So it is God Himself who deals with the second part of getting rid of the bitter root. The only thing we need to do is trust Him.
That's Some Serious Gardening!
Just how serious is God about this forgiveness thing, anyway? VERY serious. Jesus tells a parable (story) in Matthew 18 about a man who owed money to a ruler. He owed a great amount of money. Even so, after the man begged for mercy, the ruler decided to forgive the man's debt and let him go (in that day, if you couldn't pay your debt, you were thrown in jail until it could be paid). The man was very happy that he was shown mercy and forgiven. However, as he left jail, he came across another man whom he remembered owed him a small amount of money. Instead of forgiving the man's debt, as had been done for him, he demanded the man pay his debt and he threw him in jail. When the ruler found out about this, he became very angry with the man and threw him to the jailers. He said (essentially): How dare you! I forgave you of a large debt, yet you held this man accountable to pay his debt even though it was very small. Judgement had come upon the man for not forgiving the debt. What's interesting is that in the King James version, it says the man was delivered to the tormenters. So when we refuse to forgive, I believe it opens a door to the devil and his demons to torment us, whether it be in our mind, emotions, or to be able to rob us of our peace and our joy.
I have had to walk through the hard lesson of forgiveness many times. I had a lot of rejection and hurt growing up as a child. But I learned early on in my relationship with the Lord that if I was to be in close fellowship with Him, I had to forgive. And I am no expert yet. I constantly have to forgive someone for something. Sometimes daily. I believe we are called to walk in forgiveness and selfless love. I think of it as daily tending to my garden. I try to be sober and mindful to ask for healing when and where I need it, I forgive those who have trespassed against me, and I ask God for the grace to repent for all my wrongdoings (there are plenty, let me assure you!!). I ask Him to show me all these things in my heart that I cannot see, for the Bible also says the heart (of man) is deceiptfully wicked above all things and who can know it? But it is a very important place from the vantage point of the Lord. It is my heart...the place where I meet with the Lord daily. Shouldn't I want it to be clean and well tended? After all, no one would invite an important dignitary or leader to their home if their home were a filthy mess. And yet, sometimes as a Christian, I approach God in prayer or thought, asking Him to enter my garden which is overgrown with stink weeds. The creator of the universe!! Sometimes I can't hear him as well or know His perfect will for my life when my garden is overgrown. Those seem like dry times in my faith walk.
Sometimes all that is needed is a simple prayer to ask for His help in pulling those seemingly insurmountable weeds. It can make all the difference in the world. It can affect our own destiny or the destiny of our children or those we love. The key is to keep doing it and never start thinking we have arrived or that we are the ones who have done something great.
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